Quirky Healthcare Seeker Gifts

Acupuncture Chart

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

"Hiya, hiya, hiya, guy. I'm the bluebird of Prozac."

Man with money in hand reads instructions on 'Check prostate' vending machine

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

"You were smart to come see, Mr. Lewis. These moles on your back definitely look suspicious."

"9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer."

'...Sure, I can tell you how to prevent getting old...You can lie about your age...You can smoke...And you can drive drunk...'

'This is a pick 'n' mix ward - you choose your own medicine.'

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

Plastic Surgery

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

'That's it for today. If you have any questions, ask the nurse. I can't hear a thing with these ear plugs in.'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

'I keep getting this RINGING in my ears!'

"Odd - you have bad cholesterol, good cholesterol, and some cholesterol that wonders why everyone can't just get along."

"Please tell me you just ate a bucket of eels."

"Not that one...the big one on the top shelf!"

'Who would like a little judo chop while you're waiting?'

This might sting a little.

Patient to pharmacist: 'So, is it contagious?'

More priceless words of encouragement from the old man.

"Take him home, have sex...Then bite his goddamn head off."

"Every time I go on a diet, he brings up the land of milk and honey."

Dr. Potato Head

"The doctor is ready to maltreat you now!"

'It's kidney stones.'

Man in hospital hitting golf balls into a bedpan.

'I was skeptical at first, but it really works.'

The high fibre diet

"You're in luck. My speciality is symptoms that are just crazy."