Quirky Treatment Seeker Gifts

'Who would like a little judo chop while you're waiting?'

Lumbar support animal

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

Water power.

"Well, you said you wanted something to remove spiders from the bath!"

"Your online profile says you like to foxtrot."

'I have to admit I was skeptical at first, but their hooves are magical, Magical, I say!'

"If find people express themslves more freely in traffic jams."

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

Odd Spas

Edna's Couch and Breakfast.

A Wally Yomp Psychologist...Practice limited to people who are really miffed!

"You say that the best thing I could do for my health is to give up alcohol. Let's talk about the second best..."

'And now Patrick will tell us how music has helped him with his problems.'

An unlicensed acupuncturist

'...Sure, I can tell you how to prevent getting old...You can lie about your age...You can smoke...And you can drive drunk...'

'This is a pick 'n' mix ward - you choose your own medicine.'

A businessman watches as a girl walks past carrying a balloon with his face on it.

'I know it's cold up here, but you can't attain enlightenment wearing a hat like THAT.'

"You owe us more than your house is worth. One of our depositors will be moving in with you to help even things out."

'I can't enjoy the stuff I steal because I set fire to it all.'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

"Vending machine is junk. For $1.00 I'll beat on it for you."

"Very nice, but what's the thread count?"

Natural relaxation in confinement

'No, Janet, there is no mini-bar--but we do have mini-baccarat.'

'I keep getting this RINGING in my ears!'

"I'm going to prescribe you four metres of bubble-wrap three times a day."

'Everyone accuses me of being a 'control freak'.'

Air fresheners being pumped into the city's sewers.

'I've prescribed Anti-Depressants - you'll still be paranoid, but you'll be happily paranoid!'

"Stop the barking .50"

More priceless words of encouragement from the old man.

"How about wearing heavier shoes?"