Quirky Clinic Goer Gifts

Claustrophobia clinic.

"That's Arnie, our resident meeting moth. He doesn't have an office... Just flits all day from one meeting to another. And be careful: he's got a thing for wool!"

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

"Hiya, hiya, hiya, guy. I'm the bluebird of Prozac."

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

Man with money in hand reads instructions on 'Check prostate' vending machine

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

'The cow mooed, the pig oinked, the chicken clucked, I baaed and then we adjourned.'

A Mom and Pop Operation

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

"He doesn't like dinosaurs."

"9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer."

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

Plastic Surgery

'This is a pick 'n' mix ward - you choose your own medicine.'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

"Doctor Smith your 12:30 pain in the neck is here."

'That's it for today. If you have any questions, ask the nurse. I can't hear a thing with these ear plugs in.'

"He certainly brings a new dimension to keyhole surgery!"

Off the wall legal advisor.

'I keep getting this RINGING in my ears!'

'Well, good morning Mr. Daniel, have a seat in our waiting room.'

'Try to keep a straight face when you plead 'not guilty'.'

'I'm terribly mixed up.'

"Not that one...the big one on the top shelf!"

'Who would like a little judo chop while you're waiting?'

Beach psychiatrist.

Dr. Potato Head

"I was going to give him accupunture, but on second thoughts..."

"I had trouble opening the child-proof cap."

Vending Machine in Alternative Medicine Clinic