Quirky Clinic Goer T-Shirts

Claustrophobia clinic.

"That's Arnie, our resident meeting moth. He doesn't have an office... Just flits all day from one meeting to another. And be careful: he's got a thing for wool!"

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

"Hiya, hiya, hiya, guy. I'm the bluebird of Prozac."

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

Man with money in hand reads instructions on 'Check prostate' vending machine

Quick! 5-second rule!

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

'The cow mooed, the pig oinked, the chicken clucked, I baaed and then we adjourned.'

A Mom and Pop Operation

"He doesn't like dinosaurs."

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

"9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer."

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

'This is a pick 'n' mix ward - you choose your own medicine.'

Plastic Surgery

"Doctor Smith your 12:30 pain in the neck is here."

'That's it for today. If you have any questions, ask the nurse. I can't hear a thing with these ear plugs in.'

Off the wall legal advisor.

"He certainly brings a new dimension to keyhole surgery!"

I'm afraid I'm going to have to disciplines you, counselor. No problem, your honor. I just happen to have some furry handcuffs in my pocket.

'I'm terribly mixed up.'

'Try to keep a straight face when you plead 'not guilty'.'

Obstetrician's office: Innies and Outies.

'Well, good morning Mr. Daniel, have a seat in our waiting room.'

'I keep getting this RINGING in my ears!'

"Not that one...the big one on the top shelf!"

'Who would like a little judo chop while you're waiting?'

"I had trouble opening the child-proof cap."

Beach psychiatrist.

Dr. Potato Head

"I was going to give him accupunture, but on second thoughts..."