The Quirky Patient T-Shirts

"You're in luck. My speciality is symptoms that are just crazy."

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'Harvey does all his own 'get well' cards.'

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

Radiology, Cardiology and Fertility Clinic.

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

'Your test results are in - and here's a first, the Lab Techs have asked to meet you.'

"Hiya, hiya, hiya, guy. I'm the bluebird of Prozac."

The New Age Dentist.

Man with money in hand reads instructions on 'Check prostate' vending machine

Quick! 5-second rule!

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

A Mom and Pop Operation

"9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer."

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

'When you said you are a hammer-toe specialist . . .'

IV Bags: Main and Afters

Neuro Surgery. Staff only. Sorry, that took longer than I expected --- He has a lot of nerve!

'This is a pick 'n' mix ward - you choose your own medicine.'

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

Plastic Surgery

'Regarding the surgery you just had - I hope you have a good sense of humour.'

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

"He certainly brings a new dimension to keyhole surgery!"

"You sure have a funny way of making someone feel better."

"He's losing his will to pay!"

'I keep getting this RINGING in my ears!'

"Don't be alarmed! The Doctor's chiropractor recommended he work like this!"

'Pick something you can tolerate from this list of side effects and I'll prescribe something appropriate.'

"Health insurance? Waking up breathing each morning is my health insurance!"