Laugh-seeking Patient Gifts

"Don't be alarmed! The Doctor's chiropractor recommended he work like this!"

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'Do years 4, 5 and 6 cover the other foot?'

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

'Dr. Federson has performed this procedure so many times, he could do it blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back. Show him, doctor.'

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

The New Age Dentist.

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

"It's cooties."

Neuro Surgery. Staff only. Sorry, that took longer than I expected --- He has a lot of nerve!

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

IV Bags: Main and Afters

'Regarding the surgery you just had - I hope you have a good sense of humour.'

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

"I see there's been an improvement in your athlete's foot."

"He's losing his will to pay!"

"Sorry, I had the hiccups."

"That reminds me, I was going to get my daughter piano lessons!"

'Pick something you can tolerate from this list of side effects and I'll prescribe something appropriate.'

"Health insurance? Waking up breathing each morning is my health insurance!"

'Very funny!'

Man sitting in hospital bed notices a Goldfish swimming in his Intravenous Bag.

"I may seem like a dour sort, Mr. Penfeather, but, I assure you, I can smile with the best of them when the occasion demands."

Hospital patient using his thermometer on the remote control.

"Does your tooth still hurt?"

'I don't want to catch whatever the heck you've got.'

Acupuncture

'The inflamed hemorrhoid is here to see you, Doctor.'

"The bad news is you do have a lump the size of a golf ball. The good news is my tests indicate it's just a golf ball."

'It's a nasty little rash, nothing to worry about!'

"Hang on a minute Doc, I've got another 8 minutes left...Did you see Eastenders last night?"