Lighthearted Patient Gifts

"I see there's been an improvement in your athlete's foot."

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

Man sitting in hospital bed notices a Goldfish swimming in his Intravenous Bag.

'Very funny!'

"Do you suffer from headaches?"

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

The New Age Dentist.

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

'What do you mean, I get a reprieve from my wife's cooking? My wife is a cook here at the hospital.'

Give it to me straight, Doc — what's the bottom line?

'Regarding the surgery you just had - I hope you have a good sense of humour.'

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

"Don't be alarmed! The Doctor's chiropractor recommended he work like this!"

'Pick something you can tolerate from this list of side effects and I'll prescribe something appropriate.'

'Apparently the drugs make me hallucinate, not that I've noticed.'

Doctor using a crystal ball to diagnose patient,

"Health insurance? Waking up breathing each morning is my health insurance!"

"It doesn't actually work. But it's a great motivator for people to take better care of their teeth."

"Does your tooth still hurt?"

'Are my blood test results in yet?'

"Mildly invasive. At most we'll be using a comb."

"Yesss, I've cured many cases of hypochondria with a hypodermic."

'I like the private room but not the public gown.'

Golf mole

'Be careful when you inject him, the frowny face means he's a biter.'

Xmas Decorations in Hospital

'Nurse we only kiss nighty night in the childrens' ward.'

'Don't jump, Lou! I'm sure you're not the first golfer to get a thirty-two on this hole!'

'Another serious stroke is a possibility, so if you have any sudden drooling, dizziness, or if you ever laugh out loud at a Garfield cartoon, call 911 immediately.'