Light-hearted Patients Gifts

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

Get crazy once in a while

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

'My doctor told me avoid any unnecessary stress, so I didn't visit him today.'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

"FREEDOM!!!"

"It took the better part of seventeen years, but you finally get me."

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"No, I thought YOU put the picnic basket in the car."

'What do you mean, I get a reprieve from my wife's cooking? My wife is a cook here at the hospital.'

Give it to me straight, Doc — what's the bottom line?

'I'm working through some anger issues.'

'Regarding the surgery you just had - I hope you have a good sense of humour.'

"I see there's been an improvement in your athlete's foot."

'Hey! Those things aren't toys, you know.'

Golf ball escaping.

"You sure have a funny way of making someone feel better."

'You don't need to worry about your records being sold to the highest bidder...they'll bugger it and sell them off cheap!'

"He's complaining of chest pain, shortness of breath, cramps and dizziness. Do you sell earplugs?"

Doctor using a crystal ball to diagnose patient,

Gall Stones Specialist: 'This too shall Pass!'

' That's the first time we've had fireworks in the bedroom! '

'Very funny!'

"It doesn't actually work. But it's a great motivator for people to take better care of their teeth."

Man sitting in hospital bed notices a Goldfish swimming in his Intravenous Bag.

"Yesss, I've cured many cases of hypochondria with a hypodermic."

'Are my blood test results in yet?'

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

'Why yes, I do remember little Timmy.'

'I like the private room but not the public gown.'

'Be careful when you inject him, the frowny face means he's a biter.'

'Nurse we only kiss nighty night in the childrens' ward.'