Lighthearted Patients Gifts

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

Push for Disco...

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

'My doctor told me avoid any unnecessary stress, so I didn't visit him today.'

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

The New Age Dentist.

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

Give it to me straight, Doc — what's the bottom line?

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

Neuro Surgery. Staff only. Sorry, that took longer than I expected --- He has a lot of nerve!

'What do you mean, I get a reprieve from my wife's cooking? My wife is a cook here at the hospital.'

'Regarding the surgery you just had - I hope you have a good sense of humour.'

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

"I see there's been an improvement in your athlete's foot."

"I'm afraid I'm kind of a klutz."

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

'You don't need to worry about your records being sold to the highest bidder...they'll bugger it and sell them off cheap!'

'I'm leaving early cos I didn't come in so late'

"Don't be alarmed! The Doctor's chiropractor recommended he work like this!"

'Pick something you can tolerate from this list of side effects and I'll prescribe something appropriate.'

"Health insurance? Waking up breathing each morning is my health insurance!"

"I'm afraid you've got a serious case of polka dots."

Doctor using a crystal ball to diagnose patient,

'Very funny!'

Man sitting in hospital bed notices a Goldfish swimming in his Intravenous Bag.

"Does your tooth still hurt?"

'Are my blood test results in yet?'

"The bad news is you do have a lump the size of a golf ball. The good news is my tests indicate it's just a golf ball."

"Mildly invasive. At most we'll be using a comb."