Lighthearted Patients Pillows

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

Push for Disco...

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

'My doctor told me avoid any unnecessary stress, so I didn't visit him today.'

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

The New Age Dentist.

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

'What do you mean, I get a reprieve from my wife's cooking? My wife is a cook here at the hospital.'

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

Give it to me straight, Doc — what's the bottom line?

'Regarding the surgery you just had - I hope you have a good sense of humour.'

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

"I see there's been an improvement in your athlete's foot."

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

"I'm afraid I'm kind of a klutz."

'You don't need to worry about your records being sold to the highest bidder...they'll bugger it and sell them off cheap!'

'I'm leaving early cos I didn't come in so late'

"Don't be alarmed! The Doctor's chiropractor recommended he work like this!"

'Pick something you can tolerate from this list of side effects and I'll prescribe something appropriate.'

"Health insurance? Waking up breathing each morning is my health insurance!"

Doctor using a crystal ball to diagnose patient,

Man sitting in hospital bed notices a Goldfish swimming in his Intravenous Bag.

'Very funny!'

"Does your tooth still hurt?"

'Are my blood test results in yet?'

"Yesss, I've cured many cases of hypochondria with a hypodermic."

"Mildly invasive. At most we'll be using a comb."