Patients With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

"I'm afraid that your irritable bowel syndrome has progressed. You now have furious and vindictive bowel syndrome."

'My doctor told me avoid any unnecessary stress, so I didn't visit him today.'

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"I stand corrected."

To encourage patients to take their medication, Dr. Gratner brought in a sketch artist to show them what they will look like in six months without meds.

"I'll be fielding any questions you may have and my assistant, Carol, will be googling the answer."

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

'Are you writing my symptoms, or is that your autobiography?'

Fly Hospital: "Just a slight stinging then you'll be fast asleep."

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

Prescriptions: "Jack of Clubs?"

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

Surgery Instructions.

Fish swimming around inside drip.

"They used to call them G.P.s."

Healthy Eating Casualties

Infant care worker is exhausted from sex injuries at hospital.

"If you don't feel better in a few days give me a call and I'll completely ignore you."

"We've determined that it sucks to be you."

'My speciality is referring patients to the right specialist.'

'These are your parking charges.'

Neuro Surgery. Staff only. Sorry, that took longer than I expected --- He has a lot of nerve!

"These aspirin are for me. That patient in room 102 is a real pain!"

"And I suppost you've never had a friendly wager with a colleague?"

'Could you turn up the volume a little?'

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

'You wanted a second opinion?'

'He can't refer you to me... I referred you to him.'

'You're six months late. I hope you brought a note from your doctor.'

'Spin GP'

"Just relax and hold still."

Pope fed by nasal tub.