Light-hearted Patient Pillows

'Nurse we only kiss nighty night in the childrens' ward.'

Give it to me straight, Doc — what's the bottom line?

'What do you mean, I get a reprieve from my wife's cooking? My wife is a cook here at the hospital.'

Get crazy once in a while

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

The New Age Dentist.

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

'I'm working through some anger issues.'

'Regarding the surgery you just had - I hope you have a good sense of humour.'

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

"I see there's been an improvement in your athlete's foot."

"You sure have a funny way of making someone feel better."

Golf ball escaping.

'Hey! Those things aren't toys, you know.'

"Don't be alarmed! The Doctor's chiropractor recommended he work like this!"

'Pick something you can tolerate from this list of side effects and I'll prescribe something appropriate.'

"Health insurance? Waking up breathing each morning is my health insurance!"

Doctor using a crystal ball to diagnose patient,

Gall Stones Specialist: 'This too shall Pass!'

'Very funny!'

"It doesn't actually work. But it's a great motivator for people to take better care of their teeth."

Man sitting in hospital bed notices a Goldfish swimming in his Intravenous Bag.

"Does your tooth still hurt?"

"The bad news is you do have a lump the size of a golf ball. The good news is my tests indicate it's just a golf ball."

"Mildly invasive. At most we'll be using a comb."

"Yesss, I've cured many cases of hypochondria with a hypodermic."

Before the Dawn's Early Light

"You're in luck. My speciality is symptoms that are just crazy."