Brave Little Patient Pillows

"You sure have a funny way of making someone feel better."

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'Harvey does all his own 'get well' cards.'

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

'Don't try to turn tail and run. That's just what they want.'

Radiology, Cardiology and Fertility Clinic.

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

'Your test results are in - and here's a first, the Lab Techs have asked to meet you.'

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

The New Age Dentist.

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

'I usually don't make house calls but I'm glad to make an exception in your case, Gran'ma.'

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

'I insist on a nurse being present.'

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

"We have adult teeth now, and, as such, they demand adult pain."

'What do you mean, I get a reprieve from my wife's cooking? My wife is a cook here at the hospital.'

Give it to me straight, Doc — what's the bottom line?

'Regarding the surgery you just had - I hope you have a good sense of humour.'

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

"I see there's been an improvement in your athlete's foot."

'-and who's next?'

"Not that one...the big one on the top shelf!"

"Don't be alarmed! The Doctor's chiropractor recommended he work like this!"

'Pick something you can tolerate from this list of side effects and I'll prescribe something appropriate.'

"This is going to be a little invasive."

"Health insurance? Waking up breathing each morning is my health insurance!"

'Apparently the drugs make me hallucinate, not that I've noticed.'

'It's hard to have confidence in a doctor whose office plants don't look very healthy.'

"So tell me doc, what's new and exciting in pharmacology these days?".

"It doesn't actually work. But it's a great motivator for people to take better care of their teeth."

'Very funny!'