Light-hearted Gifts

Get crazy once in a while

Golf ball escaping.

'Hey! Those things aren't toys, you know.'

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"This stool shall pass."

Push for Disco...

Stand-up comic/ceo: 'A funny thing happened on the way to the board meeting...'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

Siegfried and Roy - grand re-opening.

"FREEDOM!!!"

"This may seem counter intuitive, but maybe the solution is to lighten up."

Preachers with far too much input

CFL bulb and ice cream cone fall in love

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

"It took the better part of seventeen years, but you finally get me."

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

'I'm looking for something not too heavy.'

"Is the light bothering you?"

"It's face painting Friday."

"Hemorrhoids. Any other questions?!"

The World Ends Today!: 'Never mind, dear- better luck tomorrow!'

'Does that mean my reflexes are GOOD then, doctor?'

I say when life hands you a lemon, make lemonade

'Wow! I'm a dog person too!'

'I'm not applauding your lovemaking, I'm trying to turn off the lights.'

'Don't feel too badly about your post, I used to work for the News of the World.'

"Yes, Gramps, we agreed to follow 'until death do us part' with the caveat that we might be placed in separate wings of the assisted living facility."

"These dang-blasted gofer holes are a real nuisance, Zeke!"

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

"Your performance review will be done with the help of a co-host to lighten the mood a little."

"I'm afraid I'm kind of a klutz."

Why as a general rule Pastors are not allowed to help on building work days.

Did you know that 3 to 4 glasses of wine a day can reduce your risk of giving a s**t. . . but you'll pee a lot more.

'... and do you, Linda, promise to look up the word 'fellatio' in the dictionary?'