Light-hearted Lover Gifts

"Wait - leave it on."

'... and do you, Linda, promise to look up the word 'fellatio' in the dictionary?'

Preachers with far too much input

"Wrong hole!"

Get crazy once in a while

Siegfried and Roy - grand re-opening.

'Something needs to be done about the surgery room lights.'

"Why, Mr. Conly, I do believe you're trying to get me hydrated."

"It took the better part of seventeen years, but you finally get me."

CFL bulb and ice cream cone fall in love

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

"Can we role-play a couple who are too tired to have sex?"

'I'm looking for something not too heavy.'

'Does that mean my reflexes are GOOD then, doctor?'

"Hemorrhoids. Any other questions?!"

'I know you got nine lives, but do you have to eat for all of them?'

Giving thanks.

Golf ball escaping.

'Hey! Those things aren't toys, you know.'

'I'm not applauding your lovemaking, I'm trying to turn off the lights.'

Did you know that 3 to 4 glasses of wine a day can reduce your risk of giving a s**t. . . but you'll pee a lot more.

Flo's Christmas Lights: 'I really like what you've done with yawr Christmas lights this yeaw Flo.'

' That's the first time we've had fireworks in the bedroom! '

Bus stop and reader

"Call me!"

'When I get the clumsies, switch me to a sippy-cup.'

"Don't eat so fast"

"Calm down! You're such a worryguts...!!"

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obediance School instead...'

Man on desert island asks for a lighter rather than a rescue.

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

Before the Dawn's Early Light

"Oh no, our caravan has been stolen."

'If I may paraphrase Dr. Martin Luther King, I have a dream that one day I will not be judged by the color of my money, but by the content of my pants.'

"...Just checking there's no spotty gwobbly bogeymen under the bed."