Light-hearted Lover Gifts

"Wait - leave it on."

'... and do you, Linda, promise to look up the word 'fellatio' in the dictionary?'

Preachers with far too much input

"Wrong hole!"

"This stool shall pass."

Get crazy once in a while

Siegfried and Roy - grand re-opening.

"Why, Mr. Conly, I do believe you're trying to get me hydrated."

"It took the better part of seventeen years, but you finally get me."

'Something needs to be done about the surgery room lights.'

CFL bulb and ice cream cone fall in love

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

"Can we role-play a couple who are too tired to have sex?"

'I'm looking for something not too heavy.'

'Does that mean my reflexes are GOOD then, doctor?'

"Hemorrhoids. Any other questions?!"

'I know you got nine lives, but do you have to eat for all of them?'

Giving thanks.

'Wow! I'm a dog person too!'

'Hey! Those things aren't toys, you know.'

Golf ball escaping.

'I'm not applauding your lovemaking, I'm trying to turn off the lights.'

Did you know that 3 to 4 glasses of wine a day can reduce your risk of giving a s**t. . . but you'll pee a lot more.

Flo's Christmas Lights: 'I really like what you've done with yawr Christmas lights this yeaw Flo.'

I hope I didn't hear you correctly, Lance. Actually, I hope so too, Gloria.

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obediance School instead...'

"Don't eat so fast"

Man on desert island asks for a lighter rather than a rescue.

"Calm down! You're such a worryguts...!!"

Bus stop and reader

' That's the first time we've had fireworks in the bedroom! '

"Call me!"

'When I get the clumsies, switch me to a sippy-cup.'

Before the Dawn's Early Light

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'