Lighthearted Lover Gifts

"Can we role-play a couple who are too tired to have sex?"

'So this is your idea of making things more fun in the bedroom?'

Man suggests roast butterfly for dinner in hot weather

"Call me!"

'Pull up your pants, Al. You're showing more cleavage than I am.'

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

"You're suffering from extreme laziness."

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

Shall I be mother?

'Do you come here often?'

"Wanna go out?"

Preachers with far too much input

'Something needs to be done about the surgery room lights.'

CFL bulb and ice cream cone fall in love

"Why, Mr. Conly, I do believe you're trying to get me hydrated."

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

'I'm looking for something not too heavy.'

"Just once, can we not talk about politics."

Giving thanks.

"I have two children from a previous economic cycle."

'Yes, some mornings I do wake up grumpy - but only if he's oversleeping'

'... and do you, Linda, promise to look up the word 'fellatio' in the dictionary?'

'I'm not applauding your lovemaking, I'm trying to turn off the lights.'

"You just had to ask him how he was doing, didn't you?"

Did you know that 3 to 4 glasses of wine a day can reduce your risk of giving a s**t. . . but you'll pee a lot more.

'Let me put it this way...don't start watching any miniseries on TV.'

Flo's Christmas Lights: 'I really like what you've done with yawr Christmas lights this yeaw Flo.'

"Don't eat so fast"

"Dinner's almost ready, you better not have eaten anything on the way home!"

'Did you hear about the fool who goes around saying no all the time?'

'Yeah, you're probably right: She's not worth fighting over... Wanna do Heads or Tails?'

'When you get closed down I'd be willing to take any dirty books off your hands.'