Light-hearted Partner Gifts

'...Oh, and I bought some new smalls in town...'

Did you know that 3 to 4 glasses of wine a day can reduce your risk of giving a s**t. . . but you'll pee a lot more.

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"This stool shall pass."

Get crazy once in a while

Stand-up comic/ceo: 'A funny thing happened on the way to the board meeting...'

Siegfried and Roy - grand re-opening.

"This may seem counter intuitive, but maybe the solution is to lighten up."

"Why, Mr. Conly, I do believe you're trying to get me hydrated."

CFL bulb and ice cream cone fall in love

Preachers with far too much input

"It took the better part of seventeen years, but you finally get me."

"Yes, it was 'love at first sight'. But, by the time I'd made my first opticians appointment we were already married."

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

'Can we just do this pass-fail?'

"Can we role-play a couple who are too tired to have sex?"

"Hemorrhoids. Any other questions?!"

The two friends

"My husband would get out and change the tire, but he has a lug nut allergy."

'Wow! I'm a dog person too!'

'Yes, some mornings I do wake up grumpy - but only if he's oversleeping'

'Hey! Those things aren't toys, you know.'

Golf ball escaping.

'I'm not applauding your lovemaking, I'm trying to turn off the lights.'

Why as a general rule Pastors are not allowed to help on building work days.

"Your performance review will be done with the help of a co-host to lighten the mood a little."

'... and do you, Linda, promise to look up the word 'fellatio' in the dictionary?'

"Wrong hole!"

' That's the first time we've had fireworks in the bedroom! '

"Call me!"

I hope I didn't hear you correctly, Lance. Actually, I hope so too, Gloria.

"I told you I wouldn't forget our anniversary, darling."

"Wait - leave it on."

Just Married

Before the Dawn's Early Light