Light-hearted Partner Prints

'...Oh, and I bought some new smalls in town...'

Did you know that 3 to 4 glasses of wine a day can reduce your risk of giving a s**t. . . but you'll pee a lot more.

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

Get crazy once in a while

Stand-up comic/ceo: 'A funny thing happened on the way to the board meeting...'

Siegfried and Roy - grand re-opening.

"This may seem counter intuitive, but maybe the solution is to lighten up."

"Yes, it was 'love at first sight'. But, by the time I'd made my first opticians appointment we were already married."

"Why, Mr. Conly, I do believe you're trying to get me hydrated."

"It took the better part of seventeen years, but you finally get me."

Preachers with far too much input

CFL bulb and ice cream cone fall in love

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

'Can we just do this pass-fail?'

"Can we role-play a couple who are too tired to have sex?"

"My husband would get out and change the tire, but he has a lug nut allergy."

"Hemorrhoids. Any other questions?!"

The two friends

Golf ball escaping.

'Hey! Those things aren't toys, you know.'

'Yes, some mornings I do wake up grumpy - but only if he's oversleeping'

'I'm not applauding your lovemaking, I'm trying to turn off the lights.'

Why as a general rule Pastors are not allowed to help on building work days.

'... and do you, Linda, promise to look up the word 'fellatio' in the dictionary?'

"Wrong hole!"

' That's the first time we've had fireworks in the bedroom! '

"Call me!"

"I told you I wouldn't forget our anniversary, darling."

"Wait - leave it on."

'In other sports, Jimmy Sheinblum once again won the world' strongest man competition after staying married to his wife Zelda for yet another year.'

'If I may paraphrase Dr. Martin Luther King, I have a dream that one day I will not be judged by the color of my money, but by the content of my pants.'

Before the Dawn's Early Light

'Completely unacceptable. I don't know how any son of mine could… Oh. OK, I see you even failed the DNA test.'