Light-hearted Reader Gifts

'I'm looking for something not too heavy.'

"Don't eat so fast"

'Dimly Lit' section in a library.

The Joy of Six

Halo

Get crazy once in a while

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

CFL bulb and ice cream cone fall in love

Preachers with far too much input

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

"Why, Mr. Conly, I do believe you're trying to get me hydrated."

'Something needs to be done about the surgery room lights.'

"Can we role-play a couple who are too tired to have sex?"

Less than Ultimate Fighting.

Ralph Rackstraw HMS Pinafore

I say when life hands you a lemon, make lemonade

The World Ends Today!: 'Never mind, dear- better luck tomorrow!'

Giving thanks.

"These dang-blasted gofer holes are a real nuisance, Zeke!"

Golf ball escaping.

'Don't feel too badly about your post, I used to work for the News of the World.'

"Excuse me...is there a dressing room with a slimming mirror and soft light..."

"Yes, Gramps, we agreed to follow 'until death do us part' with the caveat that we might be placed in separate wings of the assisted living facility."

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

'Hey! Those things aren't toys, you know.'

'... and do you, Linda, promise to look up the word 'fellatio' in the dictionary?'

Flo's Christmas Lights: 'I really like what you've done with yawr Christmas lights this yeaw Flo.'

'Sorry we're late, we lost three days following one of those Chinese lanterns.'

Man on desert island asks for a lighter rather than a rescue.

"Wrong hole!"

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obediance School instead...'

'When I get the clumsies, switch me to a sippy-cup.'

'I wasn't walking, officer. I was jogging.'

Yes, I'll be your insignificant other.

'When you get closed down I'd be willing to take any dirty books off your hands.'