Light-hearted Romantic Gifts

'If I may paraphrase Dr. Martin Luther King, I have a dream that one day I will not be judged by the color of my money, but by the content of my pants.'

CFL bulb and ice cream cone fall in love

"Someone must love someone very much indeed."

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

Get crazy once in a while

"Recess does things to a man."

Rude Snowpeople

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

Sorry, I can't talk right now, I'm giving my baby a bottle.

'Shuck me.'

'Look, I'll be brief. I love you, let's eat and hit the sack.'

Siegfried and Roy - grand re-opening.

"It took the better part of seventeen years, but you finally get me."

Cupid

"Why would I care if you're not a pure breed? That's a human concern! Sure, I'll go out with you tonight..."

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

Preachers with far too much input

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

Online Romance

Romance

"Can we role-play a couple who are too tired to have sex?"

'I'm looking for something not too heavy.'

Ralph Rackstraw HMS Pinafore

"It's face painting Friday."

'Hey! Those things aren't toys, you know.'

'I'm not applauding your lovemaking, I'm trying to turn off the lights.'

'... and do you, Linda, promise to look up the word 'fellatio' in the dictionary?'

"You have a date with Tim Jones? Really? You're so wicked: he's at least a day younger than you!"

Did you know that 3 to 4 glasses of wine a day can reduce your risk of giving a s**t. . . but you'll pee a lot more.

'I like my whisky like I like my women. . . A 18-year-old mixed up with coke.'

'Come on inside, baby. Let me show you where the magic happens.'