Light-hearted Pillows

Get crazy once in a while

Golf ball escaping.

'Hey! Those things aren't toys, you know.'

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

Push for Disco...

Stand-up comic/ceo: 'A funny thing happened on the way to the board meeting...'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

Siegfried and Roy - grand re-opening.

"FREEDOM!!!"

"This may seem counter intuitive, but maybe the solution is to lighten up."

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

"It took the better part of seventeen years, but you finally get me."

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

CFL bulb and ice cream cone fall in love

Preachers with far too much input

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

"Is the light bothering you?"

'I'm looking for something not too heavy.'

'Does that mean my reflexes are GOOD then, doctor?'

"Hemorrhoids. Any other questions?!"

"It's face painting Friday."

The World Ends Today!: 'Never mind, dear- better luck tomorrow!'

"These dang-blasted gofer holes are a real nuisance, Zeke!"

'... and do you, Linda, promise to look up the word 'fellatio' in the dictionary?'

Why as a general rule Pastors are not allowed to help on building work days.

'I'm not applauding your lovemaking, I'm trying to turn off the lights.'

'Don't feel too badly about your post, I used to work for the News of the World.'

"Yes, Gramps, we agreed to follow 'until death do us part' with the caveat that we might be placed in separate wings of the assisted living facility."

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

"I'm afraid I'm kind of a klutz."

Did you know that 3 to 4 glasses of wine a day can reduce your risk of giving a s**t. . . but you'll pee a lot more.

Transporting helium balloons in mid air.

" When you're done fooling around with those lights, come and eat your dinner, it's getting cold!"

"Getting older isn't so bad when you consider the only alternative..."