Light-hearted Reads Pillows

"These dang-blasted gofer holes are a real nuisance, Zeke!"

"This stool shall pass."

Get crazy once in a while

Push for Disco...

"I got tired of 'Moby-Dick' taunting me from my bookshelf, so I put it on my Kindle and haven't thought of it since."

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"FREEDOM!!!"

CFL bulb and ice cream cone fall in love

Preachers with far too much input

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

"Can we role-play a couple who are too tired to have sex?"

'I'm looking for something not too heavy.'

"Is the light bothering you?"

"Hemorrhoids. Any other questions?!"

Ralph Rackstraw HMS Pinafore

"It's face painting Friday."

"I'm afraid I'm kind of a klutz."

'... and do you, Linda, promise to look up the word 'fellatio' in the dictionary?'

"Excuse me...is there a dressing room with a slimming mirror and soft light..."

Golf ball escaping.

'Hey! Those things aren't toys, you know.'

'I'm not applauding your lovemaking, I'm trying to turn off the lights.'

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

Transporting helium balloons in mid air.

Police Lineup

" When you're done fooling around with those lights, come and eat your dinner, it's getting cold!"

"Mother said she started toward the light but she's so bad with directions that she made a couple wrong turns and had to turn back."

Man on desert island asks for a lighter rather than a rescue.

'I wasn't walking, officer. I was jogging.'

"Don't eat so fast"

"Wrong hole!"

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obediance School instead...'