Lighthearted Romantic Pillows

'Yeah, you're probably right: She's not worth fighting over... Wanna do Heads or Tails?'

"Hon, it's been more that four hours. Shouldn't we call the doctor?"

Get crazy once in a while

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

"Recess does things to a man."

Push for Disco...

"I got tired of 'Moby-Dick' taunting me from my bookshelf, so I put it on my Kindle and haven't thought of it since."

Rude Snowpeople

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

Sorry, I can't talk right now, I'm giving my baby a bottle.

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

'Shuck me.'

'He won't eat his lettuce until I've washed it five times. I'm sure his OCD is getting worse!'

'Look, I'll be brief. I love you, let's eat and hit the sack.'

"On second thoughts, I'll have it stirred, not shaken."

'Do you come here often?'

"Wanna go out?"

Cupid

"Why would I care if you're not a pure breed? That's a human concern! Sure, I'll go out with you tonight..."

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

CFL bulb and ice cream cone fall in love

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

"Can we role-play a couple who are too tired to have sex?"

"It's face painting Friday."

"I guess what I miss most is being drunk."

Carpet cleaning

'Yes, some mornings I do wake up grumpy - but only if he's oversleeping'

"I'm afraid I'm kind of a klutz."

"You have a date with Tim Jones? Really? You're so wicked: he's at least a day younger than you!"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you how long it's been since he had a bowel movement."

Golf ball escaping.