Lighthearted Lovers Pillows

"This personal lubricant has an expiration date of 2025 - just saying."

'This memory-loss thingy isn't so bad...now we get to sleep with a different partner every night.'

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

Tongue in the ear...

"You might want to get that fly off your face."

'Do you come here often?'

'You're right...these are your hormone pills. Thank goodness we noticed before anything serious happened.'

"Have you been bathing in moonlight?"

'Something needs to be done about the surgery room lights.'

"It took the better part of seventeen years, but you finally get me."

"Why, Mr. Conly, I do believe you're trying to get me hydrated."

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

"Let's touch base again at three."

Preachers with far too much input

CFL bulb and ice cream cone fall in love

"Wanna go out?"

"No, Phil, I'm not grateful that we finally have some time alone."

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

"No darling, there's nothing magical in the air, I just farted"

"Can we role-play a couple who are too tired to have sex?"

'Mind if we turn this off? I freckle easily.'

Giving thanks.

'Wow! I'm a dog person too!'

'One kiss will turn me into a prince. But you won't like the stretch marks.'

'... and do you, Linda, promise to look up the word 'fellatio' in the dictionary?'

"I have two children from a previous economic cycle."

'Yes, some mornings I do wake up grumpy - but only if he's oversleeping'

Did you know that 3 to 4 glasses of wine a day can reduce your risk of giving a s**t. . . but you'll pee a lot more.

'I'm not applauding your lovemaking, I'm trying to turn off the lights.'

'Let me put it this way...don't start watching any miniseries on TV.'

"Mother said she started toward the light but she's so bad with directions that she made a couple wrong turns and had to turn back."

"We had a summer thing."

Flo's Christmas Lights: 'I really like what you've done with yawr Christmas lights this yeaw Flo.'

'We've been here for years -- We were thrown off 'Love Boat' for fighting.'

'I misunderstood, I thought I was coming on a blind date, not a bland date.'