Lighthearted Couple Pillows

"Our marriage license....expired three years ago!"

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

'You may now kick the bride.'

'Al, that hopeless romantic, sends me love letters written in wine. I just wish he'd use red instead of white.'

'Remember last Saturday. . . you were bold that day. No dear, caught.'

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

true love.

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'We've been playing house for 5 minutes, and she's already nagging me to get a job.'

'Do you come here often?'

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

"Just pick one!! We're already late!!"

"It took the better part of seventeen years, but you finally get me."

"Wanna go out?"

CFL bulb and ice cream cone fall in love

Husband and Child in Pram

"When I'm with you, Ted, I feel dirty."

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

"There's nothing wrong with your marriage that an extra bathroom and walk-in closet can't solve."

"I told you I wouldn't be any good at this game. Look, I've gone and hit the ball down one of those little holes again."

'Was it good for you?' 'I haven't finished yet!'

"Can we role-play a couple who are too tired to have sex?"

'If you weren't afraid to commit, you'd CARVE it, not use a pencil.'

'Tell dad he did a lousy paint job.'

"Warm and rich, fresh and bright, with depth and intensity. Not the wine, you."

'I knew I shouldn't have brought you along. I haven't had a hit all day.'

Carpet cleaning

"I have two children from a previous economic cycle."

"That's so romantic Otto! You're farting OUR song!"

Did you know that 3 to 4 glasses of wine a day can reduce your risk of giving a s**t. . . but you'll pee a lot more.

'Have you referred to my previous boss?' - 'Yes, he wants to know when you are going to return the coffee money.'

'Yes, some mornings I do wake up grumpy - but only if he's oversleeping'

"Oooh! I never knew your butt could move like that, honey!"