Humorous Couple Pillows

'That's in case there's any backsliding.'

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

'You've got to be brave now... I'm not going to leave you in 2009!'

'You can't take things personally --- it's only marriage.'

"She's in a borrowed dress and I'm in a rented tux...throw money!"

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Stand-up Romcom

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

'I'm home, Honey! Come see what I picked up at the Farmers Market!'

"There's nothing wrong with your marriage that an extra bathroom and walk-in closet can't solve."

'Use a tissue, dear. There's an icicle on your nose.'

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

Female sock walks away from male sock, saying: 'Look, it's just a trial separation, OK?'

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

"Sorry. No refunds."

"Let's just say that you're not trending on any site on the internet!"

"I want to make it with you."

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

"I'll start dancing like Fred Astaire, when you stop dancing like Nellie the Elephant!"

'I'm gonna go slip into something less comfortable.'

"At this point, we're only staying together for the sake of the pets."

'And they lived happily ever after - well beyond their means.'

"You'd better switch off your personal alarm I don't want to to disturb your parents."