Couple With Humor Pillows

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Stand-up Romcom

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

'I'm home, Honey! Come see what I picked up at the Farmers Market!'

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

"There's nothing wrong with your marriage that an extra bathroom and walk-in closet can't solve."

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

"Oh my gosh babe! These cute little otters want us to play with them."

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."

"Sorry. No refunds."

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

"Let's just say that you're not trending on any site on the internet!"

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'

"I'll start dancing like Fred Astaire, when you stop dancing like Nellie the Elephant!"

'I'm gonna go slip into something less comfortable.'

"Technically, I don't think you can claim to have saved your husband's life on several occasions just because you haven't killed him!"

"At this point, we're only staying together for the sake of the pets."

'Wait a minute, this prescription is for a dozen oysters and half an ounce of powdered rhino horn!'

'That's in case there's any backsliding.'

Messages on T-Shirts: 'I'm wrong always' and 'I'm right always'.