Couple's Humor Lover Pillows

'You're the most self-absorbed egomaniac it's ever been my misfortune to know.' 'I'm beginning to think we're on different wavelengths.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

His and Hers Wedding

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

"And they all said, twenty five years ago, that our trial seperation wouldn't last!!"

"Edgar, I'm talking to you! For goodness sake, has the cat got your tongue?"

'You certainly picked your moment to propose!'

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

'What really stung is when they wanted the Magna Carta notarized!'

Google Translate for Marriagese

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

"Look, I've already told you. There's not enough room in the saucer to abduct your wife."

"Oh my gosh babe! These cute little otters want us to play with them."

"Get with the program, Barry, the certificate clearly said, 'till death do we part'."

"Sorry. No refunds."

"I deliberately married an archaeologist because I thought the older I got, the more interest you would show in me..."

"Yes, we did try to save our marriage. But, then he ran off with the marriage guidance counsellor."

"Let's just say that you're not trending on any site on the internet!"

"What ever happened to 'Never go to bed angry'?"

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

'...I love it when you talk dirty!'

Angry wife and a drunken husband will need medical assistance.

"Ah, honey?" "Yes, sweetheart?" "You've left it in the drawer again."