Couple's Humor Lover Pillows

'You're the most self-absorbed egomaniac it's ever been my misfortune to know.' 'I'm beginning to think we're on different wavelengths.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

His and Hers Wedding

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

"And they all said, twenty five years ago, that our trial seperation wouldn't last!!"

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

'You certainly picked your moment to propose!'

'What really stung is when they wanted the Magna Carta notarized!'

Google Translate for Marriagese

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'

"Oh my gosh babe! These cute little otters want us to play with them."

"Sorry. No refunds."

"I deliberately married an archaeologist because I thought the older I got, the more interest you would show in me..."

"Get with the program, Barry, the certificate clearly said, 'till death do we part'."

"What ever happened to 'Never go to bed angry'?"

"Let's just say that you're not trending on any site on the internet!"

"Yes, we did try to save our marriage. But, then he ran off with the marriage guidance counsellor."

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

'...I love it when you talk dirty!'

Angry wife and a drunken husband will need medical assistance.

"Ah, honey?" "Yes, sweetheart?" "You've left it in the drawer again."

'I'm gonna go slip into something less comfortable.'