Couple Humor Enthusiast Pillows

'You knew crime didn't pay when you married me!'

'What's the best part of having a homeless girlfriend? You can drop her off where ever you want.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

"No heroic measures."

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

'You certainly picked your moment to propose!'

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

"Edgar, I'm talking to you! For goodness sake, has the cat got your tongue?"

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"

"You never tell me you love me." "I told ya' once. I'll let you know if anything changes."

"There's nothing wrong with your marriage that an extra bathroom and walk-in closet can't solve."

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

"Let's just say that you're not trending on any site on the internet!"

"'Till death do you part?"

"Yes, we did try to save our marriage. But, then he ran off with the marriage guidance counsellor."

"Is that your answer for everything...fold in a stick of butter?"

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'

'He's probably charming the pants off your receptionist'

"Oh my gosh babe! These cute little otters want us to play with them."

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

"I'm so sorry, I never meant for you to find out this way."