Spouse Humor Enthusiast Pillows

The last argument - Did not/Did too.

Skeleton playing fetch.

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

"No heroic measures."

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

"I now pronounce you a joint return."

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

"... and don't forget to clean out the garage and attic... and the gutters need to be..." "Put a sock in it, Sally. You knew I wasn't an eager beaver when you married me."

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"

"And they all said, twenty five years ago, that our trial seperation wouldn't last!!"

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

"You never tell me you love me." "I told ya' once. I'll let you know if anything changes."

"I knew Mary would dump me when my fleece got a little gray."

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

"It may surprise you to know that, contrary to your experience, you're actually very happily married."

'What really stung is when they wanted the Magna Carta notarized!'

Dog to person whose legs are sticking out of doghouse: 'Which important date did you forget this time, Jeff?'

'Could you speak up Mrs Jones, I didn't hear what the problem is...'

"My concession speech will be brief. You win."

"If my husband starts nibbling your ear, you have my permission to confiscate his teeth."

"Is that your answer for everything...fold in a stick of butter?"