Spouse With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

'Hello dear, what are you doing home on halloween? Shouldn't you be out on your broomstick?'

Skeleton playing fetch.

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

“Who’s a good boy that doesn’t feel obliged to prove it by holding too many interesting literary and social opinions?”

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

"No heroic measures."

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

"I now pronounce you a joint return."

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

"I knew Mary would dump me when my fleece got a little gray."

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

"There's nothing wrong with your marriage that an extra bathroom and walk-in closet can't solve."

"You never tell me you love me." "I told ya' once. I'll let you know if anything changes."

"And they all said, twenty five years ago, that our trial seperation wouldn't last!!"

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

"I don't think this is the answer, Harold."

"... and don't forget to clean out the garage and attic... and the gutters need to be..." "Put a sock in it, Sally. You knew I wasn't an eager beaver when you married me."

"It may surprise you to know that, contrary to your experience, you're actually very happily married."

'What really stung is when they wanted the Magna Carta notarized!'