Humorous Spouses Pillows

"Wake up Jeff. You're snoring again!"

Skeleton playing fetch.

“Who’s a good boy that doesn’t feel obliged to prove it by holding too many interesting literary and social opinions?”

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

"You say that I love the Liverpool football team more than I love you?...."

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

"No heroic measures."

'I've been offered early retirement but my wife won't let me take it.'

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"

"You never tell me you love me." "I told ya' once. I'll let you know if anything changes."

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

"I don't think this is the answer, Harold."

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

"I knew Mary would dump me when my fleece got a little gray."

"And they all said, twenty five years ago, that our trial seperation wouldn't last!!"

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

'What really stung is when they wanted the Magna Carta notarized!'

Roach Motel

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

'He's probably charming the pants off your receptionist'

"Look, I've already told you. There's not enough room in the saucer to abduct your wife."

'Today the market corrected itself AND Leonard.'

'My life is so awesome! I've got a starter job, starter house and a starter husband.'

"'Till death do you part?"

"Is that your answer for everything...fold in a stick of butter?"

'How did you guess? Of course it's rented!'

"I'm so sorry, I never meant for you to find out this way."

"It was meant as a compliment. In my eyes, you're a real pig."

'When did your role as husband become mainly ceremonial?'

"He complains like a kid over a minor cold. He's such a groan man!"