Humorous Spouses Pillows

"Wake up Jeff. You're snoring again!"

Skeleton playing fetch.

“Who’s a good boy that doesn’t feel obliged to prove it by holding too many interesting literary and social opinions?”

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"No heroic measures."

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

'I've been offered early retirement but my wife won't let me take it.'

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

"And they all said, twenty five years ago, that our trial seperation wouldn't last!!"

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"

"I don't think this is the answer, Harold."

"I knew Mary would dump me when my fleece got a little gray."

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

"You never tell me you love me." "I told ya' once. I'll let you know if anything changes."

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

'What really stung is when they wanted the Magna Carta notarized!'

"'Till death do you part?"

'How did you guess? Of course it's rented!'

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

"Is that your answer for everything...fold in a stick of butter?"

'Today the market corrected itself AND Leonard.'

'He's probably charming the pants off your receptionist'

'My life is so awesome! I've got a starter job, starter house and a starter husband.'

Roach Motel

"I'm so sorry, I never meant for you to find out this way."

"Honey, I'm home."

"He complains like a kid over a minor cold. He's such a groan man!"

'When did your role as husband become mainly ceremonial?'

"It was meant as a compliment. In my eyes, you're a real pig."