Humorous Husband-wife Tales Pillows

'Quick, Harriet, throw me Fluffy - You know how cats hate water!'

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"Let's take in a trial."

'The rain must have made our garage shrink...'

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

'I've been offered early retirement but my wife won't let me take it.'

'Golf is Life (his).'

'My interest in gardening backfired when I married a couch potato.'

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

'What seems to be the problem?'

'Cheers, it's worth the domestic hassle.'

'This always seems to happen on your night to cook.'

"That's O.K., I'll go—'m dressed."

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

'How was I to know that you don't like Marzipan?'

'I should have listened to my mother. . . when she said you were immature.'

'They're like ice! You're like a giant vampire bat sucking the warmth out of me!'

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

'This is my new husband Gregory -- I don't quite have all the bugs out of him yet.'

"Do you know how distracting it is when you spin the chamber on that revolver?"

'Oh for crying out loud, so there's a spider in the bathtub!!'

'I hope you don't mind carpooling.'

The seven year itch. 'Relax, it's only fleas.'

"Big deal, so you taught him to beg. I taught you how to do that on our wedding night."

"Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you never see him again."

Angry wife and a drunken husband will need medical assistance.

"Are you sure? Hot sex is a leading cause of global warming??"

"He complains like a kid over a minor cold. He's such a groan man!"