Comical Spouse Pillows

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

'No, but thanks for asking.'

"I love what you've done with him."

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

'Your dinner's in the microwave.'

'The rain must have made our garage shrink...'

"....'Sickness, health? ... better, worse... richer, poorer?'... how about leaving me some wiggle room!"

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

'I've been offered early retirement but my wife won't let me take it.'

"Don't you dare try to sneak out of this cartoon!"

'Use a tissue, dear. There's an icicle on your nose.'

'My husband's first name? Heck, I don't know! I call him `wimp` since we met the first time'!

"I don't think this is the answer, Harold."

"And that's another thing, when did you last take me out ?"

'What seems to be the problem?'

Female sock walks away from male sock, saying: 'Look, it's just a trial separation, OK?'

'Today the market corrected itself AND Leonard.'

"You've been ages,dear-but never mind I've been patiently waiting in the pub accross the road!"

Roach Motel

'Your wife came by and left a message'

"I want to make it with you."

"So is that enough 'putting out' for you?"

'And they lived happily ever after - well beyond their means.'

'So, you were unbunging the sink when your husband said...'

'My wife didn't leave me after all -- She just drove to the airport to pick up her mother.'

"To be honest, after our marriage I thought you might have released your inhibitions."

'I see the glass as half-full. Whereas he sees the glass and blames me for the naked man hiding in the closet.'

Couple in front of computer. Screen reads 'Internet shopping with husband'. Husband is huffing, puffing and sighing.

"Wake up Jeff. You're snoring again!"

"Listen Mildred, no more Mr. Nice Guy - you've used up your quota of 'Yes dears' for the day!"

"I always take an interest in my husband's hobbies. . . that's why I hired a private detective. . ."

'It's bad enough losing to a takeover bid, but when it's your wife who takes over....'