Comedian Spouse Pillows

'I just remembered something! We forgot to put 'open bar' on the invitations!'

"Can you train him to bite my husband whenever the trash gets full?"

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

'No, but thanks for asking.'

"Hello darling! - I'm back from the black hole!!"

'Your dinner's in the microwave.'

"You say that I love the Liverpool football team more than I love you?...."

"....'Sickness, health? ... better, worse... richer, poorer?'... how about leaving me some wiggle room!"

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

"Don't you dare try to sneak out of this cartoon!"

'My husband's first name? Heck, I don't know! I call him `wimp` since we met the first time'!

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

'...and he hogs the sunny spot!'

"We've only been married three years and she's already giving me gbh of the ear 'oles."

"And that's another thing, when did you last take me out ?"

'May I leave early today, Sir? The market is down and my wife is alone...'

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

"Don't like your present? Fine. Give it to me - I'll wear the diamond earrings."

'This is my new husband Gregory -- I don't quite have all the bugs out of him yet.'

'Your wife came by and left a message'

"My client doesn't have to answer that."

'If anyone here objects to the marriage of these two men, speak up now because opponents are aging and dying off and soon won't matter anymore...'

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."

"OK - I'll say it again - I love you even more than my p******* hour."

"You've been ages,dear-but never mind I've been patiently waiting in the pub accross the road!"

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'I'm a fully qualified puppeteer!'

"To be honest, after our marriage I thought you might have released your inhibitions."

'The man at the beer store said this ale is made without any harmful chemicals, so I added some myself.'

Cupid shoots a guy 3 times...'The other two are for the labor pains you're going to cause her!'

'My wife didn't leave me after all -- She just drove to the airport to pick up her mother.'

'We believe in resolving a problem as soon as it arises.'

'So, you were unbunging the sink when your husband said...'