Comical Spouse Gifts

"You say that I love the Liverpool football team more than I love you?...."

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

'No, but thanks for asking.'

"I love what you've done with him."

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

"The secret of our relationship? Easy. She just acts as if I don't even exist."

'Your dinner's in the microwave.'

"....'Sickness, health? ... better, worse... richer, poorer?'... how about leaving me some wiggle room!"

'The rain must have made our garage shrink...'

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

'I've been offered early retirement but my wife won't let me take it.'

"Don't you dare try to sneak out of this cartoon!"

'What seems to be the problem?'

"I don't think this is the answer, Harold."

'Use a tissue, dear. There's an icicle on your nose.'

"Can you train him to bite my husband whenever the trash gets full?"

'My husband's first name? Heck, I don't know! I call him `wimp` since we met the first time'!

"And that's another thing, when did you last take me out ?"

Female sock walks away from male sock, saying: 'Look, it's just a trial separation, OK?'

Roach Motel

'Today the market corrected itself AND Leonard.'

"You've been ages,dear-but never mind I've been patiently waiting in the pub accross the road!"

'Your wife came by and left a message'

"I want to make it with you."

"So is that enough 'putting out' for you?"

'So, you were unbunging the sink when your husband said...'

'And they lived happily ever after - well beyond their means.'

'My wife didn't leave me after all -- She just drove to the airport to pick up her mother.'

"To be honest, after our marriage I thought you might have released your inhibitions."

'I see the glass as half-full. Whereas he sees the glass and blames me for the naked man hiding in the closet.'

Couple in front of computer. Screen reads 'Internet shopping with husband'. Husband is huffing, puffing and sighing.

"Wake up Jeff. You're snoring again!"

'It's bad enough losing to a takeover bid, but when it's your wife who takes over....'

"I always take an interest in my husband's hobbies. . . that's why I hired a private detective. . ."

'I just remembered something! We forgot to put 'open bar' on the invitations!'