Satirical Spouse Pillows

"When you have a minute love, my 'new man' t-shirt needs ironing."

Roach Motel

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

The finer points of marriage.

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

"I never thought I'd get married again."

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '

'The marriage counseling session didn't help -- she still claims she never saw me before in her life.'

"When I said 'I'm leaving' this morning I meant for the office"

'When I think of all the men I could've married...'

'Today the market corrected itself AND Leonard.'

'I really hope that Fred makes the most of it until she joins him for the rest of eternity!'

'You're becoming so distant, Els!'

Spark Notes Wedding Vows

'Sometimes I think you only married me for my employer's spousal benefit health insurance coverage.'

'...And do you Colin, take Linda to be your cook, cleaner and main income provider?'

"It wasn't until after fifty years of marriage that Mike finally learned the importance of putting the seat down." "Happy anniversary. Now flush."

"I've got nothing on for the next few months, do you fancy sex?"

'Actually, your wife's quite hot... Mind if I ask her for a date?... Post decree absolute, of course.'

'I'm entitled to one phone call!'

"He left me. I doubt it was for another woman, though. He asked me for a letter of recommendation."

"Wake up Jeff. You're snoring again!"

'My wife is setting the world record for an unconsummated marriage!'

"I wanted to capture the essence of my wife when I painted her. . . I think I succeeded, doc."

'That's the mental cruelty pair,she's cruel and he's mental.'

"Click here if you accept his terms and conditions."

"Separate clouds, please."

"You may now start packing on the pounds."

"My wife of fifty years would kill me if she knew I was having this affair."

"And is there any particular reason Mrs Muglewump for you wanting to divorce your 93 year old billionaire husband?"

"You can skip all that love, honour and obey, baloney, just make him promise to put the toilet seat down!"

'It's bad enough losing to a takeover bid, but when it's your wife who takes over....'

"It was peaceful - I listed his faults the one last time and he drifted away."