Married Life Satirist Pillows

'I really hope that Fred makes the most of it until she joins him for the rest of eternity!'

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

"And do you, Stephanie, promise to love, honor and 'obey'?

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

The finer points of marriage.

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

"Hello darling! - I'm back from the black hole!!"

"Son, the key to a happy marriage is listening, or at least purr and pretend you are."

"This next tune is dedicated to my wife, who is currently away on a cruise. I call it, 'The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea'."

'I'm leaving my wife because of another woman. Her mother.'

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '

'You're three o'clock cancelled, the Parson deal is ending, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

Sorry, I'm already spoken for.

We need to keep him a few days, but we can loan you a courtesy husband until he's ready to go home.

'The marriage counseling session didn't help -- she still claims she never saw me before in her life.'

"I never thought I'd get married again."

"You call that worrying?"

"When I said 'I'm leaving' this morning I meant for the office"

"I decided to spend the money and have my legs waxed."

"Oh, my husband is a great provider: his hunting success rate is close to 30%..."

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

"My husband is missing. I haven't seen him since he started wearing camouflage clothes."