Satirical Couples Pillows

'You're becoming so distant, Els!'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'You can have any opinion you want as long as it's mine.'

The finer points of marriage.

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

"Morning, Brad." "Morning, Angelina."

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '

'I will subject to certain conditions...'

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

'The marriage counseling session didn't help -- she still claims she never saw me before in her life.'

"I never thought I'd get married again."

"The secret of our relationship? Easy. She just acts as if I don't even exist."

His and Hers.

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

"When I said 'I'm leaving' this morning I meant for the office"

"...He broke your heart, did he? Well, I can't say I didn't see this coming!"

"Despite my best efforts, you're still the man and I'm still the woman."

"Marry you? Why I wouldn't even vote to let you into my co-op."

'That's his new trophy fishwife.'

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

"Can I turn off the game and set the table? Ha, ha! Oh, honey, you are hilarious!"