Couple Humorist Pillows

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

"At this point, we're only staying together for the sake of the pets."

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

"Edgar, I'm talking to you! For goodness sake, has the cat got your tongue?"

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

"Technically, I don't think you can claim to have saved your husband's life on several occasions just because you haven't killed him!"

"You can stop smiling... I just said I wanted a divorce to see if you were listening!"

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Stand-up Romcom

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

"The waiter said he wouldn't recommend the octopus, so what do you order? The octopus."

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

"You might want to save that for your blog."

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

"I followed the money and it led me to Edgar."

'I'm home, Honey! Come see what I picked up at the Farmers Market!'

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

"You have your emotional support animal and I have mine."

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'

Certificate in Living Room Celebrating Three Days Without Argument

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

"Sounds like you've both been pushing each others' buttons."

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

"OK - I'll say it again - I love you even more than my p******* hour."

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."

"Can you hold a moment? I've asked you before not to donate my organs till after I'm dead."