Couple Comedians Pillows

"Wake up Jeff. You're snoring again!"

"I followed the money and it led me to Edgar."

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

Certificate in Living Room Celebrating Three Days Without Argument

"You have your emotional support animal and I have mine."

Stand-up Romcom

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"Phil, honey, do you ever think about taking our relationship to the next level?"

'If I inspired this love peom, how come it's written on the back of a Hooters' napkin?'

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

'I'm home, Honey! Come see what I picked up at the Farmers Market!'

'You've had a bad day? Try being stuck in this house!'

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

"Don't you dare try to sneak out of this cartoon!"

'Use a tissue, dear. There's an icicle on your nose.'

"You know darn well my maiden name wasn't Rex. Why do you ask?"

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

"Women do not appreciate power tools as last minute gift ideas."

'I want one that says 'get lost' but includes a pocket compass.'

"Edgar, I'm talking to you! For goodness sake, has the cat got your tongue?"

Critics In Love

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

Female sock walks away from male sock, saying: 'Look, it's just a trial separation, OK?'

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

'Last seen running away from St. Paul's Church...'

"Oh man... there is nothing like a cigarette after a passionate night of 'texting'!"

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

"I want to make it with you."

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

"Sounds like you've both been pushing each others' buttons."