Couples Comedy Pillows

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Stand-up Romcom

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

"I followed the money and it led me to Edgar."

'Use a tissue, dear. There's an icicle on your nose.'

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

"One more word from you and I am leaving home."

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

Female sock walks away from male sock, saying: 'Look, it's just a trial separation, OK?'

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."

"Yes, we did try to save our marriage. But, then he ran off with the marriage guidance counsellor."

"I want to make it with you."

'Barely an love and already arguing.'

"OK - I'll say it again - I love you even more than my p******* hour."

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

"You have your emotional support animal and I have mine."

Certificate in Living Room Celebrating Three Days Without Argument

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'

"I'll start dancing like Fred Astaire, when you stop dancing like Nellie the Elephant!"

'...I love it when you talk dirty!'

"I can write my name in the snow. I bet you can't do that."

"Going to the dining room is included in the ban on non-essential travel."

'And they lived happily ever after - well beyond their means.'

'Wait a minute, this prescription is for a dozen oysters and half an ounce of powdered rhino horn!'

'I see the glass as half-full. Whereas he sees the glass and blames me for the naked man hiding in the closet.'

Messages on T-Shirts: 'I'm wrong always' and 'I'm right always'.

Couple in front of computer. Screen reads 'Internet shopping with husband'. Husband is huffing, puffing and sighing.