Couples' Comedian Pillows

"OK - I'll say it again - I love you even more than my p******* hour."

Stand-up Romcom

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'No, but thanks for asking.'

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

'I'm home, Honey! Come see what I picked up at the Farmers Market!'

"I followed the money and it led me to Edgar."

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

"Don't you dare try to sneak out of this cartoon!"

'My husband's first name? Heck, I don't know! I call him `wimp` since we met the first time'!

'...and he hogs the sunny spot!'

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

"And that's another thing, when did you last take me out ?"

"Edgar, I'm talking to you! For goodness sake, has the cat got your tongue?"

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

Certificate in Living Room Celebrating Three Days Without Argument

"You have your emotional support animal and I have mine."

"Can you hold a moment? I've asked you before not to donate my organs till after I'm dead."

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."

"Sounds like you've both been pushing each others' buttons."

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

"Oh my gosh babe! These cute little otters want us to play with them."

"Yes, we did try to save our marriage. But, then he ran off with the marriage guidance counsellor."

"I'll start dancing like Fred Astaire, when you stop dancing like Nellie the Elephant!"

"At this point, we're only staying together for the sake of the pets."