Couples' Comedian Gifts

"OK - I'll say it again - I love you even more than my p******* hour."

Stand-up Romcom

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'No, but thanks for asking.'

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

"I followed the money and it led me to Edgar."

'I'm home, Honey! Come see what I picked up at the Farmers Market!'

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

"Don't you dare try to sneak out of this cartoon!"

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

'My husband's first name? Heck, I don't know! I call him `wimp` since we met the first time'!

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

"And that's another thing, when did you last take me out ?"

'...and he hogs the sunny spot!'

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

Certificate in Living Room Celebrating Three Days Without Argument

"You have your emotional support animal and I have mine."

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

"Yes, we did try to save our marriage. But, then he ran off with the marriage guidance counsellor."

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

"Oh my gosh babe! These cute little otters want us to play with them."

"I'll start dancing like Fred Astaire, when you stop dancing like Nellie the Elephant!"

"At this point, we're only staying together for the sake of the pets."

'My wife didn't leave me after all -- She just drove to the airport to pick up her mother.'