Comedic Couple Humorist Gifts

"Happy Birthday, dear. Remember. . . it's the thought that counts!"

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Stand-up Romcom

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

"Son, the key to a happy marriage is listening, or at least purr and pretend you are."

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

'The oceans are vast, yet we never go anywhere!'

"Oh, my husband is a great provider: his hunting success rate is close to 30%..."

"I followed the money and it led me to Edgar."

"You call that worrying?"

"I decided to spend the money and have my legs waxed."

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

'You're three o'clock cancelled, the Parson deal is ending, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

"My husband is missing. I haven't seen him since he started wearing camouflage clothes."

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'