Quirky Couple Humorist Gifts

'I'm home, Honey! Come see what I picked up at the Farmers Market!'

"Can you hold a moment? I've asked you before not to donate my organs till after I'm dead."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

'We have a beautiful relationship. Why spoil it with a hug?'

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

And they lived happily ever after for a few years until the quirks they found so cute in each other when they were dating eventually drove them both insane the end.

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

"I followed the money and it led me to Edgar."

'Well, you know what they say about opposite's attracting...'

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

"Edgar, I'm talking to you! For goodness sake, has the cat got your tongue?"

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

"It's getting serious - he left his stuff."

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

"Oh my gosh babe! These cute little otters want us to play with them."

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."

'It was a nice wedding, but the drug testing kind of spoiled it.'

"OK - I'll say it again - I love you even more than my p******* hour."

"You have your emotional support animal and I have mine."

Certificate in Living Room Celebrating Three Days Without Argument

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

'The man at the beer store said this ale is made without any harmful chemicals, so I added some myself.'

"I can write my name in the snow. I bet you can't do that."

"You'd better switch off your personal alarm I don't want to to disturb your parents."

"Technically, I don't think you can claim to have saved your husband's life on several occasions just because you haven't killed him!"

"At this point, we're only staying together for the sake of the pets."