Quirky Couple Humorist Gifts

'I'm home, Honey! Come see what I picked up at the Farmers Market!'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

'We have a beautiful relationship. Why spoil it with a hug?'

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

"I followed the money and it led me to Edgar."

'Well, you know what they say about opposite's attracting...'

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

"It's getting serious - he left his stuff."

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

'It was a nice wedding, but the drug testing kind of spoiled it.'

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."

"Oh my gosh babe! These cute little otters want us to play with them."

"You have your emotional support animal and I have mine."

Certificate in Living Room Celebrating Three Days Without Argument

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'

"OK - I'll say it again - I love you even more than my p******* hour."

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

'The man at the beer store said this ale is made without any harmful chemicals, so I added some myself.'

"I can write my name in the snow. I bet you can't do that."

"You'd better switch off your personal alarm I don't want to to disturb your parents."

"Technically, I don't think you can claim to have saved your husband's life on several occasions just because you haven't killed him!"

"At this point, we're only staying together for the sake of the pets."

'Wait a minute, this prescription is for a dozen oysters and half an ounce of powdered rhino horn!'

"Wake up Jeff. You're snoring again!"