Couple's Comedian Gifts

Messages on T-Shirts: 'I'm wrong always' and 'I'm right always'.

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Stand-up Romcom

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

'No, but thanks for asking.'

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

"I followed the money and it led me to Edgar."

'I'm home, Honey! Come see what I picked up at the Farmers Market!'

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

"Don't you dare try to sneak out of this cartoon!"

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

"Edgar, I'm talking to you! For goodness sake, has the cat got your tongue?"

"And that's another thing, when did you last take me out ?"

'My husband's first name? Heck, I don't know! I call him `wimp` since we met the first time'!

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

"Oh my gosh babe! These cute little otters want us to play with them."

"You have your emotional support animal and I have mine."

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

"Sounds like you've both been pushing each others' buttons."

"OK - I'll say it again - I love you even more than my p******* hour."

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'

"Sorry. No refunds."

Certificate in Living Room Celebrating Three Days Without Argument

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."