Comedy Couple Gifts

"I'll start dancing like Fred Astaire, when you stop dancing like Nellie the Elephant!"

'You always insist on having the last word.'

Stand-up Romcom

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

"Sounds like you've both been pushing each others' buttons."

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

'Hi honey I'm Home.'

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

Tantrum sex.

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

"Push harder - I still can't see the scale."

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

"The secret of our relationship? Easy. She just acts as if I don't even exist."

"I followed the money and it led me to Edgar."

'The oceans are vast, yet we never go anywhere!'

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

"Edgar, I'm talking to you! For goodness sake, has the cat got your tongue?"

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

"One more word from you and I am leaving home."

'Use a tissue, dear. There's an icicle on your nose.'

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

Female sock walks away from male sock, saying: 'Look, it's just a trial separation, OK?'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

Certificate in Living Room Celebrating Three Days Without Argument

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'