Comedy-loving Couple Pillows

'It's nothing personally against you, Walter, but I'm upgrading to a more advanced husband.'

Stand-up Romcom

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

"I followed the money and it led me to Edgar."

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

"One more word from you and I am leaving home."

'Use a tissue, dear. There's an icicle on your nose.'

'There, there, dear -- they're all alike.'

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

Female sock walks away from male sock, saying: 'Look, it's just a trial separation, OK?'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

"Oh my gosh babe! These cute little otters want us to play with them."

"Let's just say that you're not trending on any site on the internet!"

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

"I want to make it with you."

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

"You have your emotional support animal and I have mine."

Certificate in Living Room Celebrating Three Days Without Argument

"Yes, we did try to save our marriage. But, then he ran off with the marriage guidance counsellor."

"I'll start dancing like Fred Astaire, when you stop dancing like Nellie the Elephant!"

'...I love it when you talk dirty!'

'And they lived happily ever after - well beyond their means.'

"My feet are cold. Be a dear and warm them!"

'I'm gonna go slip into something less comfortable.'