Couple's Comedy Enthusiast Pillows

"He used to drive his boss nuts. Now that he's retired, he's driving ME nuts!"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

'I'm home, Honey! Come see what I picked up at the Farmers Market!'

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

"One more word from you and I am leaving home."

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

"OK - I'll say it again - I love you even more than my p******* hour."

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."

"Let's just say that you're not trending on any site on the internet!"

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

"Yes, we did try to save our marriage. But, then he ran off with the marriage guidance counsellor."

"Oh my gosh babe! These cute little otters want us to play with them."

"Sorry. No refunds."

'...I love it when you talk dirty!'

'The man at the beer store said this ale is made without any harmful chemicals, so I added some myself.'

"At this point, we're only staying together for the sake of the pets."

"My feet are cold. Be a dear and warm them!"

"Technically, I don't think you can claim to have saved your husband's life on several occasions just because you haven't killed him!"

'I'm gonna go slip into something less comfortable.'

Messages on T-Shirts: 'I'm wrong always' and 'I'm right always'.

'You're the most self-absorbed egomaniac it's ever been my misfortune to know.' 'I'm beginning to think we're on different wavelengths.'

"Sometimes I run the recording of my own wedding backwards showing me coming out of the church a free man."

The last argument - Did not/Did too.

"Have I been a good husband, Audrey?"

Asleep on an airplane

'Our combined debt is £418,000. No one can take that way from us.'

"I got my wife some flowers for Valentine's Day...she has hay fever."